


Self Doubt is a bitch

by shonenlesbian



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone Amnesty (Podcast)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 08:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shonenlesbian/pseuds/shonenlesbian
Summary: "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will burn you from the inside out."In an attempt to keep things hush hush, Aubrey makes a threat, but immediately regrets it.





	Self Doubt is a bitch

**Author's Note:**

> Hngnm uhhh this is my first actual amnesty fic i am Very Sorry If It Is Bad I don't write fic often and when I do its. Like This. I didnt see any writing exploring Aubrey's..... Conversation with keith and i figured there should be some so I did it myself.

"If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will burn you from the inside out."

As Keith collapsed onto the examining table, Aubrey also felt herself collapse, unable to stop herself from shaking violently as she pulled her knees closer to herself. It wasn't long before the tears came. For a while she sat there, shaking and quietly sobbing, horrified at what she had done. She had hurt him- no, she told herself, she didnt technically do him any physical harm, but she had threatened to. She threatened to _kill_ him. Having to deal with Duck and Ned assuming that she was going to kill Keith to keep him quiet about Indrid and her magic was bad enough. Instead, she had gone and done the next best thing: she told an innocent boy (that's all he was, a boy, no older than she was) that she would murder him. ' _What happened to not hurting people any more, huh?_ ' 'I didnt hurt him- what else was I supposed to do? I promised indrid I'd make sure Keith didnt tell!' ' _Sure... And now he's terrified of you. As he should be_.' Aubrey froze. A wave of memories flashed through her mind: the horrified look of a child's face as the tapestry behind him burst into flame, the Pizza Hut sign falling straight into Leo's store, her father's muffled sobs as her childhood home crumpled to the ground, still ablaze. As her mind raced, the memories played over and over, this time Keith's weary, fearful expression as she threatened him joining the fray. She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to take deep breaths, but only managing to pull off a few shallow, shaky gasps as her heartbeat sped up. She tried to cling to Janelle's words to her, to not let doubt and fear cloud her mind, but she knew it was far too late for that. She was spiraling, unable to focus on anything but a single thought: " **I am a danger to the people around me. I am a monster**." Her heart pounded painfully in her chest, and her lungs tightened. She folded herself up as much as she could, squeezing her arms so tightly that she could almost feel the bruises beginng to form underneath her fingers. She rocked silently murmuring as she wept, no longer caring if Keith or Barclay or Mama or anybody saw.

After what felt like an eternity, her heartbeat began to return to a normal rhythm, and she let go of her arms, legs extending out in front of her. She stared at a wall, feeling wholly and utterly exhausted. Her throat was dry and hoarse and she knew her face was red from crying. She felt empty, not unlike the day before, when she had touched the crystal in Sylvaine. 'Shit,' she thought to herself, realizing she still hadn't told anyone about the whole ordeal and that she was still wearing the sunglasses she had hastily thrown on that morning in an attempt to keep her new eye a secret until she was ready to tell her companions. She wondered if any of them had even noticed that she had been wearing the sunglasses. Duck probably did but just assumed it was some weird youth fashion thing. With Ned it was harder to tell, she mused. He either didnt notice at all, or noticed right away but hadn't voiced his observation because he was trying to deduce the reason on his own before she told him. She was interrupted from her ramblings by a phone ringing upstairs. She quickly stood, took one last shame-filled glance at the exam table, mumbled, "Sorry, Keith, your hospital trip is gonna have to wait," and dashed up the stairs to pick up the phone before a random guest (and more importantly, Agent Stern) could.

Already having a feeling who was calling, Aubrey put the phone to her ear and began to speak. "Indrid? Is that you? Is something wrong?" "Yes, it's about Ned. He and Billy are going to find the abomination in seven minutes." "Well, that's good, right?" Aubrey asked, twirling the phone cord around her finger has she anxiously scanned the empty lobby of Amnesty Lodge. "Well, I suppose, but Ned is also going to be crushed to death by a massive tree in nine minutes." "Shit. Can you give me any hints as to where they went? All I know is that Billy showed them where to go, and if I'm gonna call Duck and go save him, I need to know where to go." She heard the shuffling of papers on the other end of the phone, and after a few seconds Indrid replied, "All I can tell you is that they are deep in the woods near the upper station for the fornicular tram." Aubrey let out a terse sigh. "Right. Thanks, Indrid. I'm gonna try and get a hold of Duck and see if he can meet me up there or something so we can try and find Ned before it's too late." "Yes, of course, i understand." As Aubrey moved to hang up the phone, Indrid spoke again: "Oh! By the way, Aubrey?" "Yeah?" "Don't beat yourself up over the situation with Keith. Even if your methods seemed... harsh, your heart was in the right place, and you didnt mean any actual harm. You have a kind soul, and though your powers are still unpredictable, you are an invaluable asset to the Pine Guard, and a good friend to those around you." Aubrey waited a beat before mumbling out a thank you and hanging up the phone and immediately pulling out the walkie talkie Duck had given her in case of emergencies, and hit the "talk" button. "Hey, uh, Duck? Are you there, over?" After a few tense seconds, Duck's voiced crackled over the walkie talkie's speaker: "Yeah, what's up, over." "I just got a call from Indrid, Ned is in trouble, meet me at the top of the fornicular tram, over." "Aw fuck, dammnit Ned. Alright, be there in a jiff, over." Throwing the walkie talkie back into her jacket pocket, she strode towards the door to the lodge, grabbing her helmet and hopping on her bike as she went. She started the bike and revved the engine instinctually before speeding down the gravel driveway in front of the lodge towards the road that led to the fornicular tram's upper station, hoping desperately that she and Duck would be able to save their friend.


End file.
